I've been listening to music from Avenue Q a lot recently. I don't know why.
ROD
Aah, an afternoon alone withMy favorite book, "BroadwayMusicals of the 1940s."No roommate to bother me.How could it get any better than this?
NICKY
Oh,hi Rod!
ROD
Hi Nicky.
NICKY
Hey Rod, you'll neverGuess what happened to me on the subway this morning.This guy was smiling at me and talking to me
ROD
That's very interesting.
NICKY
He was being real friendly,And I think he was coming on to me. I think he might've thought I was gay!
ROD
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care?I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?
NICKY
Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Rod...
ROD
I'm NOT getting defensive! What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?I'm trying to read.
NICKY
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.
ROD
I don't want to talk about it,Nicky! This conversation is over!!!
NICKY
Yeah, but...
ROD
OVER!!!
NICKY
Well, okay, but just so you know —IF YOU WERE GAY, THAT'D BE OKAY.I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.BECAUSE YOU SEE,IF IT WERE ME,I WOULD FEEL FREETO SAY THAT I WAS GAY(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)
ROD
Nicky, please!I am trying to read....What?!
NICKY
IF YOU WERE QUEER
ROD
Ah, Nicky!
NICKY
I'D STILL BE HERE,
ROD
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book.
NICKY
YEAR AFTER YEAR
ROD
Nicky!
NICKY
BECAUSE YOU'RE DEARTO ME,
ROD
Argh!
NICKY
AND I KNOW THAT YOU
ROD
What?
NICKY
WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,
ROD
I would?
NICKY
IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,"HEY! GUESS WHAT,I'M GAY!"(BUT I'M NOT GAY.) I'M HAPPYJUST BEING WITH YOU.
ROD
High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...
NICKY
SO WHAT SHOULD ITMATTER TO MEWHAT YOU DO IN BEDWITH GUYS?
ROD
Nicky, that's GROSS!
NICKY
No it's not! IF YOU WERE GAY, I'D SHOUT HOORAY!
ROD
I am not listening!
NICKY
AND HERE I'D STAY,
ROD
La la la la la!
NICKY
BUT I WOULDN'T GETIN YOUR WAY.
ROD
Aaaah!
NICKY
YOU CAN COUNT ON METO ALWAYS BEBESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,YOU WERE JUST BORNTHAT WAY,AND, AS THEY SAY,IT'S IN YOUR DNA,YOU'RE GAY!
ROD
BUT I'M NOT GAY!
NICKY
If you were gay.
ROD
Argh!
