Nobody reads this site, so when I apologize for not posting there will be nobody to hear. I'm sorry anyway though. I'm sorry for all the times I wasn't there. I'm sorry for sleeping all the time. I'm sorry for the new He-Man action figures. I'm sorry for flirting with the fat girl at work.
I'm sorry for Corey Feldman. I'm sorry for Corey Haim. I'm sorry for the Harlem Globetrotters. I'm sorry you can't buy Marshmallow Peeps or Cadbury eggs in autumn.
I'm sorry for that Eminem song. You know, the one that I hate. You know, "I could be your Superman. Just you shake that Super-Can."
I'm sorry for beating you at Uno. I'm sorry I bought one of those aquamarine, mason jar-looking water bottles that you hate so much. I'm sorry I'm cixelsyd.
I apologize, dear reader, for the cookies in your bed. I'm sorry that I don't like Dragon Ball Z. I'm sorry I fell asleep inside of you. I'm sorry that I don't like your mother. I'm sorry that you can't make ice cubes out of Coke without the tray overflowing. I'm sorry Chris Kattan is a talentless hack.
I'm sorry for Bobcat Goldthwait. I'm sorry about the whole "noodle" incident.
I'm sorry about the war.
I'm sorry for the metric system. I'm sorry for red meat. I'm sorry for any descrepancies in the pronunciation of "Basinger". Dear reader, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am, and I only hope that you forgive me. If you don't, I will drink this entire bottle of green Tobasco sauce.